I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
