STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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