I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
