I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
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