can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
