you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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