he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
