I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
