I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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