please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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