one two three fourrrrnication!
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
the liver wants what the liver wants
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
