im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
