I'm jealous of your bromance
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
How external is "for external use only"?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
