did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
