for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
