I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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