i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
