WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
