Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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