listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
