Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize