those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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