He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
