i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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