In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
