I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
