I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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