I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
