Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
