i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
the night ended with taco bell and tears
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
