Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
