i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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