Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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