Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
