I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
