Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I need a beard to bite.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
