Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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