I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Randomize
