I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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