He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
