oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
