Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
im holly from the hills drunk
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize