I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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