This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
