It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
