whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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