btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize