Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
