so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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