and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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