I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He did a backflip because drugs
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