I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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