So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
