how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
