Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
