i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So squirting runs in the family.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
