She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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