noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
