i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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