she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
