haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize