Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize