AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
