I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
