You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
