its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
