What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
