he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
don't judge my taste in strippers
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
