My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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