Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
