Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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