So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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