She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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