If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
