if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
