once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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