he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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