if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
