Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
