I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
