I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
