Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Non-Jews are for practice
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
this beer tastes like vomit already
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
