6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
