did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm too high and old for this...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
