That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
People in love make me want to vomit
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
