The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
