My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
