She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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