Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Randomize
