My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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