can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
