Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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