i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Randomize