After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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