she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
