Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
