4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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