Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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