so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
