We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
