wrigley field is MILF paradise
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
