remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Randomize
