he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
