I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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