You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Randomize
