we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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